The Shore; or, Liberty

Remarks Monday 5th of January 1868, 210th Day

Bright good weather warm wind from the SW.

The master has decided that we will stop for supplies near Sierra Leone though only two boats will go to the town and port proper. The rest of us fellows including all of the greenhands will remain far enough up the coast that the master thinks there will be nothing to tempt us to desert. I think he knows that this is a feeble hope as men will desert on a spit of sand with no water or trees or even just dive into the ocean if they think things will be too unbearable for them to stay on board. I have seen it happen on my last voyage though the two who tried to swim away swam right back when they felt how cold the water was and we pulled them back up on deck. I have no plans to leave the ship so it matters very little to me. Though I would have liked to see Freetown which is the port town that the master will stop at for supplies. My father once mentioned when I was young that my grandfather was in support of the project to resettle freedmen there and would send money when he could. This was many years ago long before I was born and I don’t know what ever became of those men or if the project ever continued. They all had happy lives I hope. My father though he was a good man never had two pennies to rub together to give to charity and he never thought about it or talked much about it. This place is all British land now or so the maps say and we have seen their flags and sails on occasion but all are merchant ships and so in too much of a hurry to gam with.

Barometer 30 exactly. I didn’t get to check it until late as the first mate was too much on deck.

Remarks Tuesday 6th of January 1868, 211th Day

Good weather continues though it is a headwind we are fighting to get to port. Unusual feeling on board to have a destination suddenly everyone feels like we must hurry to get there even those of us who will not be allowed to go into town. We are all just eager for fresh supplies. This close to land there are many seabirds and if you tempt them with a bit of fish you can catch them if you are very quick about it. I do not think they make a good dinner but they are pleasant little things to see. Antonio is good at catching them and has tied one by the leg to the rail so that it can still fly a little. I don’t know if he plans to eat it or what he intends but it is an interesting thing to watch. It has a very pretty little sooty head and reddish beak. Still no sight of land though all are keeping watch for it and by the map we are quite near. I’m sure we will see it soon. Certainly since it doesn’t tend to move land is an easier thing to spot than a whale!

Barometer 29.8

Remarks Wednesday 7th of January 1868, 212th Day

Light rain early in the day and the headwind has lessened and we are making better progress. The master says we are only two more days out from port if the weather stays fine. 

Tobey has been very quiet these days and I am not surprised but it does make me keep a closer watch over him. I expect he might try to desert the ship and while I could not blame him as three more years with the first mate will be difficult I hope that I can stop him from leaving. In many ports any deserters are caught and I have heard stories of them being treated as badly as you could imagine. Tobey would hate to be caught I just know that. And besides I would be very sad if he left the ship as he is my good friend and I would have no one else.

It is not that I am not a friendly man my dear you know I am and I know everyone here well but it would not be the same. Tobey can always make me laugh and I would be lonely if he was not here. Having a friend and a brother on board goes a long way to making a man less homesick. I do not think Tobey feels the same way about home and so the pains and trials of being here sting for him in a different way. But o my dear I am as homesick as a man has ever been and if Tobey were to leave I would find it hard not to desert myself and find employment on a merchant ship heading home if I could. Though with my luck I’d end up stranded in Freetown for the rest of my days! That would be a fine trouble to be in. And I tell this to myself every time I think about leaving best to keep my head down and work for my pay… Tobey’s lay is much smaller than mine.

I do not even know if having Tobey gone would make the first mate feel inclined to treat me any better. I don’t write it down much because I do not want to worry you my dear but he is a fearsome man. He will find any excuse he can to knock you over the head for speaking out of turn or take some money from you for even the smallest thing. I saw a man and I won’t say who (though it wasn’t Tobey) taking apart a little bit of rope to wrap his pipe in and I told him that if the first mate caught him at that he’d be in for it, even if it was only a bit of rope and rope is something that we have plenty of. I was only making a joke because no one else would have minded not the master or the second mate or the third and certainly not me and the other boatsteerers. But even though it was a joke he jumped and hurried to put it away. I shouldn’t have said anything because it is not something that you can joke about. Everyone here is afraid of him and I think we are all lucky that he is merely the first mate and not the master. 

O my dear I never have been a pious enough man to pray for people who don’t need my prayers but I do make sure to slip one plea up to the Good Lord for the master’s health every once in a while. A whaling bark is a dangerous place even for the master and ours is always putting his hand in to help with the work which doesn’t do his safety any good that much I know.

Barometer 29.7.

Remarks Thursday 8th of January 1868, 213th Day

Fair winds we continue to make good progress down the coast land has been in sight all day which I will tell you my dear has been doing strange things to my heart. To think that we have been at sea for so long and yet are not even a quarter of the way through our voyage. Looking at land after such a long time and it being not the comforting sight of New Bedford’s rooftops and churches and all her ships darting in and out of the harbor o my dear it almost makes me wish that we were not going to land and that we could remain at sea until the day we returned home. But a ship cannot sail without water and wood and if the master can bargain for fresh food of any kind I will be happier than any man has ever been. 

Preparing to put down anchor and take on supplies means that the master has ordered all the ship cleaned and tidied and all the barrels readied for us to take on fresh water. When the master takes the boats into town it will be the duty of everyone left on the boat to collect water. He says that he has stopped here before on a previous voyage where he was the first mate and his uncle was the master and he has given us instructions on the map for the location of a fresh river that we can get water from. Even hauling barrels can be pleasant work if we get to stretch our legs on land.

Everyone is looking forward to a reprieve.

Barometer 29.8.

Remarks Friday 9th of January 1868, 214th Day

Dropped anchor up the coast from Freetown late in the day. Even out on the water still we can hear the birds calling in the trees and smell the smell of earth and o my dear I do not know how yesterday I ever said that I’d prefer to stay at sea! We won’t take the boats to land until morning no sense in stumbling around in the dark but all of us are out on deck just looking at it with the sun going down behind us. It’s nearly as good a sight as home and I can truthfully say my dear that I wish you were here with me rather than wishing I was home with you.

Tobey asked me Have I ever been to Africa before and I said No on my last voyage we went around Cape Horn rather than the eastern route to get to the Pacific. Why are we going this way then he asked. I told him I guessed it was because the master thought there would be better hunting in this direction as fewer ships come down this way and I think that Cape Horn is a more difficult passage for a ship so I would rather go thru the Indian Ocean especially on a new vessel like this one. She was just built and aside from all our lives of course it would be a shame to lose her. 

Tobey was very quiet but he was looking all out at the beach he seemed just about ready to leap over the rail to try to get to land and I told him We’ll be ashore in the morning and long days of hauling water ahead of us so no need to hurry. When we get to shore if the river is calm enough or I can be sure the beach has no sharks at it maybe I’ll teach you to swim I said. I’m sure we’ll have a little time.

But o my dear I just knew he is going to run. I am resolving to keep my eye on him. 

Barometer 29.8.

Remarks Saturday 10th of January 1868, 215th Day

Fine weather all day. It is very strange being at anchor. Early morning the master and third mate took the B and W boats to head towards the town for supplies. They were loaded down with cloth to trade and they took any letters the crew has written though I do not know if there is reliable post from this port. If there is o my dear you will get a letter or five from me. I would have liked to go with them to town but the boats were overloaded as it was and most of us have to remain at the ship. We are about 30mi up the coast from Freetown near Coreteemo Island and the river Scarcies on the map. It is a long way for the boats to go but with good wind they will make good time and I am sure that they will spend a few days in town anyway.

The rest of us had the L boat and the spares and a terrible number of barrels to fill with water. The first mate decided that in shifts to take the L boat up the river until the water runs clear enough to fill the barrels and then turn the boat around and come back to the ship. It is a fine plan though I don’t enjoy rowing some mile against the current! But we need water so row we did and I tried to keep a cheerful heart. During our first trip up river there were many jokes about wishing we had a mule for our own Erie Canal we were traveling but even if we had a mule on board with us he wouldn’t have been able to tow us anywhere. The riverbanks are choked with trees with the most tremendous roots that go down into the water and it was good that we were able to take the boats as there would have been no way to walk carrying barrels. 

If I have some time before we leave this place I would like to take a hatchet to one of those roots to see if the wood is good for whittling. We have plenty of cedar plank in the ship that we can take our knives to when boredom calls but a round piece of wood offers much more for the imagination than a plank does. O what should I carve for you my dear?

This whole place is very beautiful, with tall and strange trees that I have never seen much like. There are palms like there are in parts of the tropics but everything else is quite different. The dirt is a bright rusty red but it must be good enough for growing things. But o my dear as soon as you step away from the beach and the ocean’s air it is tremendously hot. By the time the first mate decided that we had rowed far enough that the water would not be too salty to drink we we were all drenched with sweat like we had been dunked in the ocean ourselves. At least after filling the barrels we could let the water carry us back downstream without rowing much at all. That was a much more pleasant ride!

When we returned and loaded the barrels back on board the second mate went out with his group to do the same. We’ll be doing this in shifts until the master is back as we have plenty of barrels to fill. 

The second mate had taken down the spare boats and let men go to shore so long as they stayed in sight of the ship on the beach. When we came back downriver we passed what seemed like half the crew out on the riverbank scrubbing their clothes, and the other half were collecting shells and things on the beach. 

I am writing this on the beach now and you will forgive me my dear if I get this book you gave me all full of sand. I think there will be time to take one more trip upriver for water and it will be my turn to go again. In the spare boats others went fishing and have had good luck. We have started a fire on the beach and are putting the little fish on spits. O my dear this will be a better dinner than any I have had for many many weeks. 

Tobey is collecting shells on the beach and it has been a good day. 

Now it is 10 P.M.

Although some men wanted to spend the night on the beach last night including the second mate who made a passionate argument for the idea of fresh air the first mate ordered everyone to return to the ship after sunset. When we took the boats back Charles started asking if the first mate was afraid of getting eaten up by a lion or a tiger or an elephant or whatever creatures might live around here. All the way back to the ship every time he pulled the oars he’d come up with some new animal that might rip the first mate’s head off. I think the first mate could probably hear this all the way over in the other boat with his crew. Later Willie drew a picture on the slate where a lion was at his throat and a bear each was grabbing his legs and wild dogs were getting his arms and a snake— well o my dear what the snake was doing I’m afraid is unmentionable.

Remarks Sunday 11th of January 1868, 216th Day

I had a late watch last night which I never mind. It was strangely quiet to be at anchor. The whole ship was quieter than the grave with so many gone down to Freetown with the master. It was a full moon or near enough to it that I could see pretty well. Most of the time on watch my mind wanders and it was not much different. I watched the trees just in case any lions or elephants decided to make an appearance though I doubted that they would. I sometimes thought that I could see things moving in the trees but it was just my mind and the light. I think we were too far from shore to see much really and certainly far enough away that nothing on shore could do us any harm.

I don’t know how I knew but I did know that Tobey would try to leave the ship. He wasn’t on watch with me but he snuck out of the fo’c’sle and crept around the deck.

I wonder if he had been calculating if he should sneak out when I was heading a watch or not. Did he think I’d let him run or did he think that he’d rather get caught by me rather than somebody else? I don’t know. I heard him though I have very good ears and I was waiting for him. He was halfway over the rail trying to slip down off the side of the ship when I caught him. I’m glad he wasn’t silly enough to try to steal one of the boats but o my dear I wish he wasn’t silly enough to try to swim either. We aren’t too far from shore for me to swim but Tobey has said he can’t swim at all and it’s well more than a quarter mile to land more than a half mile even and hard with the current.

I grabbed his arm when he was lowering himself down into the water and said What are you trying to do Tobey. He just tried to get away and when I wouldn’t let go of him he pulled his knife out and tried to slash me with it but you know my dear the sailor’s knife doesn’t have a tip they make you cut off the top two inches so that the most you can do is saw some rope if you’re lucky and anyway Tobey didn’t have the heart to really hurt me just threatened my arm. And we had to be very quiet as neither of us wanted to wake up the first mate. I said If you want to drown then alright I’ll let you go but I never did get to teach you how to swim. And when you start to drown I will have to call out a man overboard and rescue you I’d rather see you beaten than drowned but I wouldn’t want to see you beaten either.

I think he was still tempted to try it and I let go of him which maybe was a stupid thing for me to do. If he had jumped into the water right then I would have gone in right after him and we both would have been in a fine mess but he just hung on to the outside of the ship with his toes doing all the work to hold him on. 

I said Are you planning to walk all the way to Freetown it’s thirty miles. And he said that he’s walked further.

I said And what do you think you’ll do when you get there without any money and with everybody knowing you’re a deserter from a ship. And he said that he’d find work that pays him.

I said You’d give up your lay here. You’re going to get paid this is honest work.

He didn’t have anything to say to that though he could have told me that greenhands don’t get paid enough which is true. If he had said that o my dear you will have to forgive me I might have done something very stupid. If he had said it was about the money I would have offered to share my lay with him. Why I would have done that when I’m trying to save it all to bring home to you I don’t know but I would have done anything…

He said Don’t you want to go home? And I said Of course I’m as homesick as any man has ever been and I have someone waiting back home for me. And he said Well I haven’t and isn’t this place better than any other to try to find one.

But I just asked him what kind of life he thought he was going to find if he walked off into some jungle as a wanted man as deserters are not treated well in any port and really what is there for him here. You don’t have a friend on this whole continent you’d be a stranger and a poor one too. This made him angry o my dear he is too good at being angry. He asked me Well what is there for me anywhere else. And it made me so unhappy all I could do was walk away. 

I didn’t go very far I just walked off towards the larboard side and listened to hear him fall in the water. It took him so long to make up his mind to jump that I became relieved because I knew he wouldn’t really do it he wouldn’t try to swim far. I spent my time gathering up a nice long rope to throw to him when he did decide to jump. It took almost five minutes for him to drop off the side and as soon as he did I ran over as fast as anything and tossed him my rope. He couldn’t even make it three or four fathoms from the ship he didn’t know how to swim at all he was a sorry sight. I thought I might have to jump in after him but he managed to grab the rope and I pulled him right on up to the side and he climbed back on board.

All of this drama we did as quiet as cats. Everyone else on watch certainly heard and knew what was happening but none of them have a problem with me so they’d never wake up the mates to get me in trouble if I didn’t do it myself. I suppose that’s the good of being friendly with everyone but o my dear I’d never want to test that goodwill again. There’s only so far any man’s neck can stick out you know.

Poor Tobey was soaking wet and well all I could say to him was You know I will teach you to swim if you don’t keep trying to get yourself killed. I am your friend even if I’m the only one in the world.

Spent the rest of the day hauling water. Barometer 30.0.